Bush-whacked or “the Choices and Decisions of the Bush Republican”

I can support education and the arts or cut funding to higher education.

I can support any loving union between human beings or promote hatred and bigotry.

I can support the middle class worker and small business or support cheaper labor and higher corporate returns in an effort to keep the poor eternally ignorant and thankful for the cheap prices they pay on imported goods made in sweat-shops and on chicken farms.

I can support religious freedom or enforce narrow-minded secular seclusionism in order to make heaven a less unpleasant place for me and mine.

I can look to our nation’s security or grandstand and bully though force while stripping resources from our northeastern ports, storm ravaged Gulf states and crime-ridden inner cities to help defray the cost of a war begun and extended in the name of a lie.

I can work to address our country’s issues or divert attention by keeping the spotlight on problems abroad in an effort to scare people into thinking that they shouldn’t think about how many symptoms are starting to point to a nation in trouble.

I can help to revitalize our economy or provide tax cuts to the wealthiest citizens in the nation who will invest their money on interests outside of the United States.

I can work to integrate immigrants into our nation so that they are more productive and less likely to circumvent the established system or I can persecute any foreigners with the exception of wealthy oil tycoons from questionable lineages.

 As a republican who voted for Bush, I am a bigot who chooses to support ignorance while saving a few dollars by shopping at Wal-Mart where unions are forbidden and women are second-class citizens.  I believe in a white heaven free from homosexuals and most minorities and I watched the Giants and Yankees kick ass while men, women and children were shot and raped in Iraq.  I look at the national debt as a badge of honor that justifies high oil prices while keeping it fashionable to buy and fuel behemoth SUVs and eight-cylinder sports cars.  I am padding my retirement fund while anchoring the majority of america to a debt of staggering proportions in order to help pay for my second apartment in Manhattan.  I choose to harass and exclude foreigners while complaining about how slow they are to clear my plates or bring me fresh water.

 The world hates americans, because Republicans pretend to be americans and end up giving us a bad name while most Democrats don’t have the guts to do more than shrug their shoulders or whine a bit before watching American Idol or Project Runway.


Beating About the “Bush” or “By George I’m on to Something!”

According to recent polls, President Bush’s approval ratings are at an all time high.  The war in Iraq is going so well we are reducing the age for the draft to 16, and we have an extended tour of the Middle East all lined up for the next five years.  Mandatory tickets for the tour go on sale at your local gas stations, and if you are lucky enough to be in the military you may get front row seats!

Yes, the war on drugs, literacy, freedom of speech, gay marriages, pro-choice, terrorism, anti-capitalism and democracy-hating-heathens continues to trip the light fantastic overseas.  Who can forget hearing our latest boy-band, the Patriots, singing the lyrics “We’ve got an armored convoy, rockin’ through the n-BOOOOOOOM!”  to the accompaniment of One-Armed Johnee and the Screaming Shiites playing their steel drums fashioned out of empty, upended oil drums.

I am supporting the efforts here at home by getting a second tax-exempt H2 for my driveway so that I can expand my collection of humorous “Support our Troops/Find a Cure/God Bless America” ribbon magnets.  And for the record, my ribbons are put together in Chile and only the magnet shapes and colored laminates are made in China.

Yessiree, the true patriot doesn’t need to affect change.  We just need to wave flags and tell leftist pacifistic pansy communists to “Love it or Leave it!” since America can now claim the title of “The Worlds Largest Supplier of Scrap Metal” thanks to President (and Most Exalted Potentate of Wisdom) Bush.  Money is meant to be spent right?  I actually saw  a bumper sticker on Air Force One that read “I’m Spending my Country’s  Inheritance!” 

I’d love to stay and chat some more, but I am donating my collection of Chinese assault rifles to the border patrol in Texas.  I heard someone in Washington talking about the Beaners taking all of our best dishwashing, crop-picking and roofing jobs and figured I’d do my part to keep them from rising above their station as third-class citizens in our third-world country.

 Good night and God Bless!